@celestinelea90: This guy's shirt said 'blink if you want me' and now my eyes are watering and I need to close them but ohmygod you guys I DO NOT WANT HIM
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@djdarrellripley: Me: Don't tell me you've never thought about having sex with me. Her: No, I never have.... Me: I asked you not to tell me that.
@mattytalks: Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I'm pursuing you online and from my couch
@Playing_Dad: *consoling friend who is a baker* I'm really sorry about the fire at your bread shop. Looks like your business is toast now.
@Reverend_Scott: "I love the Fall, the trees are so pretty" It's fall?? "Ya, so what?" [leaves start attacking everyone] OMG THE LEAVES HAVE TURNED