@djdarrellripley: This has to be the worst date I have ever had. That includes the time that I accidentally answered my uncle's personal ad....
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@crylenol: Hansel: how are we gonna get home Gretel: we should leave some sort of trail Duck: [pitching voice] how about a trail of bread crumbs
@BitterOldPunk: ATTENTION ALABAMA RESIDENTS: tonight's penumbral lunar eclipse is perfectly natural. The moon is undamaged. Gay people are not stealing it.
@amydillon: 85% of conversations with my mom is trying to figure out who the "she" in her story is.