@Parker_Simpson: this Holiday Inn has their flag at half mast...I'm assuming one of their guests died overnight
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@david8hughes: [board meeting] "So Mr Parachute do u have a name for your invention?" "I call it the 'Makes the Ground Come at You a Bit Slower'." "Uh no."
@Home_Halfway: Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
@panmidwest: ANGEL: the humans need a model for how they should treat you… GOD: [creates dog] ANGEL: …and for how they actually do GOD: [creates cat]