@J_Illunninati: This house is Not going to clean itself. Apparently, I'm not either.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Today is Star Wars Day, which means we should all reflect on a simpler time in our lives, when Harrison Ford didn't have an earring.
@FattMernandez: I can never tell if my cat left a dead bird at my door, or if it's the dead bird I ordered from Amazon.
@ddsmidt: HR: People are complaining that you find ways to appear superior to them. [chair elevated to highest position] Me: That’s just ridiculous.
@AndyAsAdjective: "any ideas?" let's tie a bunch of helium balloons together & then hold onto the strings "whoa whoa whoa, let's not get carried away"