@J_Illunninati: This house is Not going to clean itself. Apparently, I'm not either.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Reverend_Scott: THIS IS THE POLICE. COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP. "Wrong house guys." ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? "Yup, happens a lot." OKAY COOL, SORRY.
@max_pad21: I failed my Driver's test. Driving teacher: "What do you do at a red light?" Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."
@AndyAsAdjective: Respond to every "How was your weekend?" today by staring off into the distance & whispering "So much blood..."
@iAmDelFreaky: Me: How are you doing? Is our date starting to feel a bit awkward? Her: Yeah, a little... Me: I was talking to my mom! Mom: No, I'm fine.