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@YeahDrewisOn: I've learned there are two types of people in this world: People I trust to help me bury bodies... ...and bodies
@Laser_Cat: [wife answering phone] Gary, it's 3am! Where are you? "I don't have time for questions, but if you ever wanted a peacock tell me now!"
@JermHimselfish: I just saw Madonna climb out of a hollowed out tree trunk in the woods near my house.
@TragicAllyHere: *turns around in my chair and I'm stroking a whole glazed ham in my lap* I've been expecting you.