@AbbyHasIssues: This invitation says, “Regrets only,” so I’m sending them a note that says, “My hair throughout most of the ‘90s.”
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@boring_as_heck: SATAN: I will tempt you into leaving the desert JESUS: Oh yeah I can't wait to get back to the place where everyone hates me and has leprosy
@Love_bug1016: I can't do this. I think I'm dying. Why does your face look like a donut? ~ me 30 minutes into dieting
@LostLettermen: In response to McDonald's pay with hugs campaign, Nationwide will allow you to pay for insurance with DEATH.