@SuperheroFeed: This is always good for a laugh.
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@MarlonBrandNO: [First Date] "Okay don't let her know you're a tool shed" Waiter: Anything to drink? Date: a screwdriver please *My head slowly opens*
@mattgallo123: Not to brag, but according to this food packaging I just ate enough fancy cashews to serve 638 people.
@copymama: After days stranded at sea on the edge of starvation, my 4yo is rescued & given bread: “This has seeds on it,” she scoffs, pushing it away.