@viciousbabydoll: This is an example of the shit I text my kid. I know, I know. Mom of the Year material right here.
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@jonnysun: *dinosaur at zoo roars at me* "ROAR" whoa wat kimd of dinosaur is this "GROWL" hmm "SHOUT" hmmm "YELL" hmmmmm "HOLLER" oh its a thesaurus
@WilliamAder: My second account is trying to drive a wedge of suspicion between me and my Twitter crush.
@iGreenBabe: Twitter makes me want to have drinks with people I've never met, and Facebook makes me want to throw drinks at people I already know.
@notalogin: With KFC's announcement they've created an edible coffee cup, the chain is ready to face its next challenge: creating edible food.