@viciousbabydoll: This is an example of the shit I text my kid. I know, I know. Mom of the Year material right here.
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@PortRooster: Due to a tragic "iTunes on shuffle" incident, I have had to convince the guys at work that I have a 12yr old daughter they have never met...
@Contwixt: That awkward moment when you realize your wife's funeral is turning into a sausage-fest.
@daveexplosm: The problem with having a large imagination is that you can imagine your friends naked. Now you're doing it too.
@squirrel74wkgn: No thank you, shower sex. I'll just step out of the shower and injure myself the old fashioned way.