@viciousbabydoll: This is an example of the shit I text my kid. I know, I know. Mom of the Year material right here.
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@jenniferfralic: The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.
@kibblesmith: "How did the Nukey War start, Oldfather?" "Well ..." [I stoke the fire] "It was Hashtag International Cat Day..."
@J0hnnyBlaze: 10:00pm *gets a snack* 10:01pm *turns on tv* 10:02pm *glances at twitter for 8 seconds* February