@Cryptic1iam: This is an ugly term. This "Stalker". I prefer unpaid investigator.
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@calamitydaisy: I feel a burst of superiority when I trick a fly into flying out of my car window.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: *spreads arms wide* I love you this much. Me: Aw. 5: *spreads arms even wider* But I'd love you this much if we had a pool.
@NicestHippo: "So did you get lucky last night?" You better believe it! [flashback to me making all green lights omw home after girl refused to kiss me]