@partyfessional: This is awesome.
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@Playing_Dad: Cop: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND Me: I didn't do... Cop:*cuffing me* Dispatch, we have a creepy clown in custody Me: These are my regular clothes
@The_JRM: 5yo: I dreamt I ate your brownie. Me: Wait, what happened to my brownie?? 5: Dreams come true.
@JKNenagh: Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me:If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too? #slapped