@SophieWarnes: This is brilliant
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@BlairLoudly: [end of interview] Any questions for me? Yes. Why didn't the glass slipper also disappear at midnight? YOU ARE SO HIRED.
@Bob_Heller: I have a dream that my son will one day live in a nation where he will not be judged by the size of his boat but by the motion of his ocean.
@ruinedpicnic: [checks window] [locks door] [starts to tweet] shrek was a d- [FBI agents burst into the room and leap on me] shrEK WAS A DOC UMENTArY
@Steelers1972: If you don't have a dog whistle, you can use two teenage girls who have not seen each other in forever.