@ericsshadow: This is Eric's wife. He accidentally left the house without his phone. TELL ME EVERYTHING.
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@TheWadest: *requests Uber* *climbs in backseat* Uber driver: "Where to?" Me: "oh, nowhere. I just don't like to change my diaper in the street."
@thatstings: *Submits synonymosaur as an alternate word for thesaurus *Waits for Nobel Peace Prize
@ddsmidt: Whenever my husband "puts something away" I'm always suspect. I mean, it's not as if he really knows where anything goes.