@lukekarmali: This is literally the best thing I've ever seen happen on Twitter
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@MelKassel: Me: *staring into mirror* Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary *skeleton bartender appears and slides me a drink* SB: $8.50, $8.50, $8.50
@sixfootcandy: Me: These eye makeup remover pads are amazing. Mom: Those are medicated hemorrhoidal pads.