@lukekarmali: This is literally the best thing I've ever seen happen on Twitter
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@Quartzjixler: Hey middle-aged people who suddenly change your first name--screw you. I'm calling you what I've been calling you for the last 10 years.
@amydillon: Back-to-school tip for parents: while not explicitly forbidden, it is frowned upon to spray champagne on the hood of a departing school bus.
@LetMeStart: Me: I couldn't eat another thing. Narrator: Oh, she ate another thing. And then some.
@twt_malaysia: 'You'll go to hell for that joke' *in Hell Me: What did you do? Hitler: Genocide, what did you do? Me: Dunno tweeted a joke