@BlitznBeans: "This is not fair!" - Russian guy realizing he got bad directions to the fair.
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@PJisBeast: I used to sanitize my son's bottles and Lysol his toys. Then I caught him chewing on the dog's tail.
@ColoChiver: My boss told me to dress for the job I want, not the job I have. Now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting in a Batman costume.