@BlitznBeans: "This is not fair!" - Russian guy realizing he got bad directions to the fair.
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@Bownuggets: Hate it when we run out of clean towels so I have to ride my white stallion Gregory up and down the driveway real fast to dry my mullet
@IamEnidColeslaw: If a tree falls in the woods can I stand under it so I don't have to go to work tomorrow?
@TheDizzyBeauty: Thank God for semi colon's. How would I have ever been able to flirt if they didn't exist?
@kumailn: My favorite romantic comedy sub-genre is "Hugh Grant falls in love with someone for no reason."