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@dumbbeezie: "This is not working out."
-My trainer, watching me work out
@DurtMcHurtt: I wonder what "don't touch" is in Braille.
@SuperTeeWhy: [A Dad about to give the birds & the bees talk]
*Watches son try to poke a Capri Sun for 35 minutes*
"Know what, we're good"
@mrsmith196645: I spent the day in nature and by nature I mean drinking beer on a golf course.
I saw a butterfly.
@KalvinMacleod: Wile E Coyote: I can't get rid of this headache
*anvil drops on his head*
*bus flattens him*
Dr: it's probably stress-related
@jilleb163: I didn't realize how many of the songs on my iPod are about sex and drugs until I hit "shuffle" in a car with a 12-year-old in it.