@andrewducker: This is now my favourite pie chart ever.
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@maisonwithapen: [mom knocks on my bedroom door] HER: are you modest? ME: well I'm no big shot but my jokes do ok on Twitter HER: ok I'm coming in
@girlontapas: He told me I was too pretty not to smile. So I flipped him off, tackled him and shoved my middle finger up his nose. Now I'm smiling.
@david8hughes: How did you know I was a member of Al Qaida? Was it my knees? Do I have terrorist's knees? Oh, the bomb. Not the knees then? That's good.