@tweetsauce: This is ridiculous: "www" contains THREE TIMES more syllables than the phrase it is 'short' for, "world wide web."
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@MourningGlory_: I just ate an entire bag of Werther's and now I'm 80 years old, own a floral couch, smoke Virginia Slims, got a perm and my name is Shirley.
@EJGomez: [interrupts pastor] but jesus was crucified today shouldn't we call today "Bad Friday" or even "Kinda Messed Up They Killed Jesus Friday"
@Book_Krazy: [interview] HIM: What are your strengths? ME: Well, I can see dead people. HIM: Wow, interesting. Any hobbies? ME: Grave digging