@SchooIAnswer: this is so accurate
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@djdarrellripley: Her: Remind me if I'm ever on life support, not to have you in charge of pulling the plug. Me: Yea, like I could get in front of that line.
@LlamaInaTux: "They say time is linear but it repeats itself. For example, I just got dumped again. Same girl. Were stuck on a loop, and when-" *the man grating parmesan stops* "No, that wasn't a 'when' for you, keep going."
@BuckyIsotope: *robbers burst into bank* EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS UPDOG *bank manager frowns* What's updog? WE'RE ROBBING THIS BANK WHAT'S UP WITH YOU
@Storminika: *Attempts to give a Homeless guy change* Him: Thanks. You never know, one day my situation might be you. Me: Really? *holds on to change*