@CoolHegel: "This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut
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@slimmy_shady: Scientists claim that the Big Bang was the loudest noise that has ever occured in history. They obviously haven't met my kids.
@doktorj: Ziiipppp, zip, zip, zip, ziiiipppp! *Me, dramatically ending a marital spat during a camping trip
@CroweJam: The Humane Society will give Donald Trump $5 if he releases that thing on his head back into the woods.