@burgerkrang: this is the best interaction on twitter
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@LizHackett: I assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
@Moldy_Jellybean: Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
@moron_online: I am the human equivalent of that little line of dirt that never goes into the dustpan no matter how hard you sweep it
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: Why do you do chores if you don't like to? Me: The same reason you eat your vegetables. 5: Because Mom is scary? Bingo.