@KenJennings: "This is the bomb!!!" --'90s terrorist
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@jonnysun: "911 whats ur emergency" omg im DYING "we'll send someone right awa–" i met THE funiest guy "ok wait so ur not actualy–" AND HE STABBED ME
@abbycohenwl: Watch me get this baby up to 90 miles per hour! - inventor of the infant catapult moments before his arrest
@ClichedOut: Me: I have an imaginary gf. Therapist: U can do better than that. M: I know, it's just-- T: I was talking to her.