@KenJennings: "This is the bomb!!!" --'90s terrorist
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@LMHPhotog: *bursts into room Me: GUYS! GUYS! I FOUND A UNICORN Guys: Yeah sure,show us then! *holds up single kernel of corn *gets violently beaten
@GrantTanaka: parents, please remember to teach your children not to talk to strangers, you know how boring your children are
@DurtMcHurtt: When I die, I want my decaying carcass to be loaded into a giant slingshot and flung into a rich kids bouncy castle.
@radtoria: amazing how folks can pinpoint the subtle floral undertones in a glass of wine while i'm like "yo, is there mustard on this grilled cheese?"