@weedhitler: THIS IS THE COPS. WE KNOW YOU HAVE NWA'S "FU*CK THE POLICE" ON REPEAT IN THERE. COME OUT & SAY SORRY TO OFFICER DAVIS. YOU MADE HIM CRY DUDE
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@thegayfarmerguy: Cat is hissing at nothing in the kitchen. Based on horror movies I've seen nothing good can come of this, but I'm a white guy so I'll stay.
@panmidwest: CUSTOMER: [handing me a 20] can I have two 5's and a 10? ME: [thinking of the girl who wrote 'never change' in my high school yearbook] no
@0point5twins: Girlfriend left a note on the fridge "this isn't working, you take everything too literally". She'll be so happy when she sees the new one.