@GirlyBibIe: this is the greatest thing ever
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@murrman5: [closes kitchen drawer gently and looks at son] I wasn't here *wife walks in with police officer* "did you take a knife to a job interview"
@Ristolable: What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates: 1. Nice shirt. 2. Wow. A second nice shirt. 3. Okay, first shirt again. 4. He has two shirts.
@therealeatwood: ELF COP: You have the right to remain splendiferous! Anything you say will be wonderful-funderful! You— CRIMINAL: Pls just take me to jail
@Ristolable: He died doing what he loved: typing his symptoms into WebMD instead of going to the doctor