@Amburglar_: This is the hardest I've laughed all morning:
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@PaperWash: me: [comes running down the stairs with a baseball glove] robber: why are u wearing a glove me: I meant to grab my bat lol robber: lol
@kwirkyKerri: "I really regret not taking up bow hunting" I think as my neighbor fires up his chainsaw at first light.
@Gre_Gone: [Ad shows dude getting out of bed before noon on the weekend] *professional stuntman do not attempt*