@proheauxe: This is the scariest thing I've ever read
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@MelKassel: ME: do dogs think we have three mouths because we pick stuff up with our hands? VET: where exactly is your dog ME: he's uh coming later
@DurtMcHurtt: My doctor just used a tongue depressor on me so I'm going out for ice cream to cheer the little guy up.
@TheBoydP: I'm not saying I spend a lot of time in the restroom, I'm just saying if you walk into my stall you can be charged with home invasion...
@SeanEmeny: Being a fat guy at McDonald's is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business