@aguywithnolife: this is why god doesn't talk to us anymore
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@TastyTuneTweets: Go ahead lady, call the cops. I have witnesses that say your toddler started it.
@rachelle_mandik: the year is 2042. a man is fired for doing "the robot" in a mixed crowd of humans and androids at the company xmas party.
@robfee: If you've been unemployed for a while, update your resume to say youve been a Blockbuster manager for the last decade. HOW WOULD THEY KNOW!?
@jjhartinger: Just when I thought I had my life together. I found my missing shoe in the microwave.