@aguywithnolife: this is why god doesn't talk to us anymore
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@SamuelHLowe: - I'm your son's teacher and I'm calling to tell you that he may be a compulsive liar. - And a damn good one. I don't have any sons.
@realHamOnWry: My nephew asked, 'How will I know when I'm an adult?' and I said, ' When you hear your favorite Justin Bieber song playing in an elevator'
@kyle_thatisall: The years 2045. 90s kids are old &wrinkly. Grandma tosses seeds to pigeons "Go insane go insane throw sum glitter make it rain" she whispers