@aguywithnolife: this is why god doesn't talk to us anymore
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@upsidedowntrash: Onion rings... Onion rings... Onion rings... Onion rings... Onion texts: Please answer baby. Let me make this right.
@pro_failure: I've stopped trying to explain twitter to my friends and now just say,"I collect tiny imaginary people in my phone using jokes as bait."
@Marlebean: I like to start my mornings w/ a luxurious deep tissue massage* *kids climbing all over me until they puncture my spleen & I finally get up
@thetobbie: Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...