@aguywithnolife: this is why god doesn't talk to us anymore
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@sarcasticmommy4: I'm just a mom on winter break, standing in front of my kids' school asking, "HOW BIG OF A CHECK DO I NEED TO WRITE FOR YOU TO RE-OPEN?"
@iwearaonesie: mom: Why are your eyes red? Are you high!? [flashback to me cry-singing Taylor Swift's "Love Story" in the car on the way over] me: Yes
@Instinctivetip: [marriage counselling] Her: he always thinks he's talking to me on CB radio Me: I don't, over Her: It's over Me: It's what? Over