@vrunt: this is why you always check the reviews before ordering one thousand live crickets
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@MichaelGoffLA: What if you told a lie to cover up your affair, and the lie was so good that 2000 years later people were still giving each other presents?
@abhorrent_wife: I won't believe Johnny Depp is engaged until I've seen he's put a ring, 90 bracelets, 7 scarves, a fedora and an ugly pair of glasses on it.
@funnybeachgirl: Energizing breakfast smoothie: 1. 2 cups chopped kale 2. 1 ripe banana 3. 1/8 tsp flax oil 4. 1/2 cup coconut water 5. 3 grams of cocaine
@Jimpetuous: *holds seashell to ear* [ocean sounds] [ocean sounds] ["Remember to click 'subscribe' & to rate & leave a com-] *throws shell into the sea*