@hell_homer: This is your brain: [hippo standing in a field] This is your brain on twitter: [100s of people surround the hippo patting it rhythmically]
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@DontDraketheIce: Go to a botanical garden? Haha, yeah, okay. Like I want to pay money to walk through a giant salad
@sixfootcandy: Him: There's something special about you. Me: Some people tell me I smell like stinky cheese. *His eyes glaze over* I love stinky cheese.
@batkaren: When writing science fiction, always Google your made-up planet name; 9 times out of 10, it's an existing yeast infection medication.
@AristotlesNZ: Need hospital etiquette advice. How long should you wait after they pull the plug to ask if you can use the socket to charge your phone?