@hell_homer: This is your brain: [hippo standing in a field] This is your brain on twitter: [100s of people surround the hippo patting it rhythmically]
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@TravLeBlanc: What's worse than a chick telling you she only thinks of you as a friend? When she says she thinks of you like a brother.
@SqueakyFreckles: I drove home with a new bunny for my kids & all they did was moan. "Why hasn't it got a head?" "I don't want to scrape it off the wheel."
@ashmensch: *entire building at my work loses power* *I run all the way to Linda's office* Remember when you said light up shoes were a dumb idea?