@hell_homer: This is your brain: [hippo standing in a field] This is your brain on twitter: [100s of people surround the hippo patting it rhythmically]
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Kristen Stewart seems like one of those missing milk carton kids who was raised by their kidnapper.
@NathanBgood: Maybe my threats will be more effective if, after I mentioned all the people I've killed, I don't say, "in RuneScape."
@Marcmywords2: She texted me, "I love U" So I texted. "I love U2.... Not their new stuff but from like the 90's" Now my CD's are missing. Weird!
@Playing_Dad: My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She's now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists.