@neerjagurnani: This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.
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@alispagnola: Facebook definitely needs to change their name. Pretty sure books aren't supposed to make you dumber.
@trojansauce: [about to have sex] WIFE: what happened to all the condoms?! [cut to] ME: *making balloon animals at work* [cut back] ME: affair
@JediGigi: I just heard my roommate mixing some beats except I don't have a roommate and it was my cat throwing up.