@Ristolable: This is your captain speaking. Would someone who knows how to be a pilot please come up? I'm literally just pressing buttons.
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@MariyaAlexander: I had this nightmare that Salma Hayek and Kevin Hart were trying to tell me something at the same time and expected me to understand it
@novicefather: Autocorrect changed "killing spree" to "killing soirée" so bring your finest evening attire because murder can be classy.
@trojansauce: GIRL: would you like to go out for dinner sometime? ME:*nervously looks around* MY MUM: *appearing from nearby bush* he only eats lunchables
@KattsDogma: Meghan Trainor songs: -All About That Bass -Flounder's Good Too -Also I Like Shrimp -Wait, I'm a Vegan -All About That Kale