@Ristolable: This is your captain speaking. Would someone who knows how to be a pilot please come up? I'm literally just pressing buttons.
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@MooseAllain: My friend's organising a football match and asked if I'd like to make up the numbers. I suggested squix hundring and nankety noof.
@SteveHofstetter: Samsung just announced a series of water resistant phones. Just what you want in a phone that sets itself on fire - to be water resistant.
@KeetPotato: priest: "does anyone here know why these two should not be wed?" me: "SHE LEAVES THE VOLUME ON ODD NUMBERS" priest: [slowly closes bible]
@mynameisntdave: If you want your dog to take a pill: 1. Get a piece of cheese 2. Eat the cheese for energy 3. Get ready to wrestle your dog