@weismanjake: "This isn't my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
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@capricecrane: People who love dark chocolate are always so snobby about it. Relax. It's just chocolate, you elitist ninnies.
@david8hughes: Wife: where's the baby? Me: up on the roof Wife: THE ROOF? Me: relax. He's got sunscreen on
@SocialustGal13: News is reporting a nun just had a baby. It's official, a nun is getting more action than me.
@Sickayduh: Chairman: Ok so we've decided a group of crows is called a flock? Creepy Frank: *licking a knife* I've got a better idea