@MiahSaint: This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and number of friends.
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@gwatts77: I accidentally got my blow up doll pregnant. Related: I've got some balloons for sale.
@funnyordie: The Walking Dead or the Grammys. Do you watch the bloodthirsty monsters ready to eat each other to survive or do you go with Walking Dead?
@Fred_Delicious: [Girl takes off her clothes] "You have had sex before right?" [Me, in a suit of armor & holding a cauliflower] ... "no actually"