@CheetoBandito77: This lady cashier asked me if I wanted it "double bagged"...I said "No, you're not THAT ugly..."
And that's why I'm not allowed in Target.
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@Honeybuckle: Alright! Everyone that got a DM containing a map to my treehouse, meet there in 15 mins. Those who didn't, maybe consider being nicer to me.
@thenatewolf: If you ever quit twitter, instead of writing something sanctimonious, write "About to go skydiving. Wish me luck!" and then never post again
@gerryhallcomedy: Two years ago I became a proud father. My son is 6, but he was kinda lame those first four years.
@Marcmywords2: Rice: for when you're not really hungry but still wanna eat a 1000 of something.
@jake_likes_naps: [accidentally calls teacher "mom"] MY BRAIN: shit, play it cool. say something. ME: what's for dinner tonight BRAIN: what
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