@ramenfuneral: I just swallowed a little hair color. I think I'm going to dye.
@BCMontgo: [first date]
Him: See? Juggling on a unicycle is easy.
Her: You've lost a lot of blood.
Him: I'm fine. Throw in another chainsaw.
Her: While you're just laying there?
@Carbosly: Facebook: I'm happy!
Instagram: I'm pretty!
Vine: I'm artsy!
Pinterest: I'm crafty!
Twitter: I'm lying everywhere but here.
@SteveSuckington: I can't figure out why my son hates me.
Tim hates you?
No, my other son. I can't remember his name. I just call him "not Tim"
@elle91: In 3rd grade the bus driver missed my house but I was too embarrassed to say anything so I got off at the last stop and started a new life.
COMMENTS