@iMikosnyc: This lady on the train has that raspy, cigarette, alcohol, at death's door kinda voice. I'ma see if she'll record my voice mail message.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@sixfootcandy: I just found my first full length gray hair. If anyone needs me, I'll be at the senior center playing bingo.
@GorillaNipples1: [after dinner] Me: I can’t eat another bite. Also me: *whimsically eats entire spongebob ice cream cake*
@aligarchy: SUBWAY EMPLOYEE: would you like your receipt? ME: no thank you i don't want any proof that i've eaten here
@tigersgoroooar: Who even thought of soup? Were they like, you know what this perfectly good meal needs? Water.