@HuffPostComedy: This lesbian couple nailed their pregnancy announcement
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@iscoff: Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it's like...I don't care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
@AndrewNadeau0: If you read the entire dictionary technically you've read every book but out of order.
@seamussaid: I bring my own pen into the bank because I don't need any god dammed chains telling me where I can and cannot write