@HuffPostComedy: This lesbian couple nailed their pregnancy announcement
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@thenatewolf: DEBATE CAPTAIN: You're off the debate team ME: No I'm not DEBATE CAPTAIN: Damn. Where the hell was this guy at regionals?
@AimeeHelene1: Ma'am...we're going to have to ask you to get off of the table. Ma'am... (me, trying to cuddle with my bacon cheese fries)
@Sean_Burgundy_: Just for once I wanna be able to say "It wasn't my fault" without 4 people breaking down why it was my fault