@fanaticalscribe: This makes me crack up every time I see it.
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@evanwilliams: RESTAURANT WEBSITE DESIGNER: You know what your website needs? RESTAURANT OWNER: A clear way to contact us and reserve a table? RESTAURANT WEBSITE DESIGNER: A 3,000 word 'our philosophy' section. RESTAURANT OWNER: (nodding) Let's not even put our phone number on the website.
@CandyCrisis: Captain Hook hated Paper Scissors Rock since he could only play Question Mark, which had no value in the game.
@Harbinger_one: Just ran 45 minutes on the treadmill and burned 732 calories. Or as many people like to call it, 4 olives.
@ItsJennaMarbles: Dear girls that go tanning, it's called 'sunkissed', it's not called 'dorito raped'.