@fanaticalscribe: This makes me crack up every time I see it.
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@TheTalkingPipe: Make a friend today. Give a complete stranger a big, long hug. If they happen to get mad, tell the police a guy on twitter said you could.
@SteveSuckington: Good cop: license and registration please Perp: I'm sorry was I speeding Dad Cop: hi sorry was I speeding, I'm dad.
@SamGrittner: This Uber driver is the worst. I can't roll down the windows, he keeps asking questions, the doors won't open, and now his siren is blaring.
@ehdannyboy: To tell the difference between an African and an Indian elephant, you look at its ears, then lift one up and shout "WHERE ARE YOU FROM M8?"