@quote_friends: this makes me so uncomfortable
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@Sarcasmo718: My grandma keeps talking about her monthly checks, prescription drugs and how much she loves Miami. I think she's a rapper.
@UncleDuke1969: *pulls up pants* Me: It feels like I've got the world's worst wedgie! Proctologist: That's normal. M: ... P: Hey... Have you seen my glove?
@OneFunnyMummy: The fastest way to get your kids to shut up is to ask them a question you want answered.