@Tw1tter_K1tten: This medicine says I should not operate heavy machinery, so I guess I won't be doing laundry for the next two weeks. Safety first.
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@mcclure111: Men statistically have larger brains than women, which is why men are usually smarter and elephants rule us all from their laser-hovercraft
@WhatsHerFace33: Friend - You smell nice, what's that perfume you're wearing? Me - Fear and fabric softener.
@DanKCharnley: Shake what your momma gave ya! *shakes old decorative wreath* (pine needles and holly berries go everywhere)
@Adar79Angie: *friend gets divorced Mon* *friend goes on date Tues* *I break up with boyfriend* *15 years later I casually smile back at a stranger*