@Crunk_Jews: This midlife crisis has a lot less bank heists and high speed car chases than I had imagined.
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@DaddyJew: Interviewer: what's your biggest weakness? Me: ha nice try I: excuse me? M: that's how Lex Luthor beat Superman. I'm not stupid.
@JackieMartling: A couple's having breakfast. He says, "Were you faking it last night?" She says, "No, I was really asleep."