@KingFavre: This might be the funniest tweet ever
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@Carbosly: I don't care about Disney lying about my Prince Charming. I'm more pissed about forest creatures and their unwillingness to clean my house.
@Ygrene: Normal Person (being inconvenienced): I deserve better than this Me (being stabbed w/swords): I'm so sorry for getting blood on your swords
@AHMalcolm: Conan: Texas recently had 9 earthquakes in a day. But don’t worry: Scientists are hard at work figuring out exactly what God was angry about
@AsgardianRose: "This is mine", he growled passionately into her ear. "Are we clear?" Breathlessly, she agreed. She wouldn't try to eat his nachos again.