@KingFavre: This might be the funniest tweet ever
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@iscoff: Local News: GREG JOHNSON, 41, ESCAPES BEING EATEN BY BEAR Bear News: FOOD NAMED GARG RUNS FROM LUNCHTIME
@TheBeerGuy73: My ex texted "You've got a friend in me. XoXo". I thought she was being too nice until I realized that she was talking about my buddy Dave.
@mrjohndarby: Me: My son's goldfish died. What should I do? Him: Just flush him down the toilet Me: Gotcha. And the fish?