@KingFavre: This might be the funniest tweet ever
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@dxblarssonENG: I'm such a slave to the man working on a Saturday night. A drunk slave but whatever. Atleast my e-mails to my boss are hilarious now.
@stevevsninjas: Judge: Guilty Me: Sayyoudidwhat. Judge: What did you say? Me: Judge? Did you just reverse my sentence? *Stage dives into cheering jury*
@LoveNLunchmeat: My kid asked how the Easter bunny gets inside the house and I'm very uncomfortable with the amount of lying this parenting gig requires.
@Springaling85: Walking up to guys with girls with them and saying "you never called! Our son is 5 now" then walk away....always brightens my day