@KingFavre: This might be the funniest tweet ever
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@Jacksawyerr: Sorry, the dog stood on my keyboard and liked that Instagram photo of you from 47 weeks ago.
@ericsshadow: [Target intercom] "Would the parent of a 9 y/o named Jack please pick up your son at security. We've told u for weeks this isn't a daycare."
@MarfSalvador: Me: I need a doctor's appointment Receptionist: Ok [checks bookings] how about 10 tomorrow? Me: No I don't need that many