@tarashoe: this month's full moon is in virgo. you know what that means: you shouldn't be friends with me because i will tell you shit like this
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@weinerdog4life: When I'm in a conference room all by myself I like to pretend I'm having a very important meeting with chairs about chair shit.
@MableGertrude: If you know a clumsy person you secretly wish would die, give them some rollerblades.
@theshantilly: Me: Go ahead. Waiter: Huh? Me: You're staring at my hair. Go ahead & touch it. Waiter: There's a leaf in it.