@tarashoe: this month's full moon is in virgo. you know what that means: you shouldn't be friends with me because i will tell you shit like this
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@eXentRic_: Excuse me waiter, I'm in a bit of a hurry, do you have something that has already been Instagrammed?
@robfee: ♫ Cause the players gonna play play play The haters gonna hate hate hate Baby Im just gonna bottle it all up & develop severe trust issues ♫
@mjkspeaks: [at ER] ME: my stomach hurts. DOC: have you been able to eat anything today? ME: yeah, like 75 pieces of pizza.