@mommajessiec: This morning I brushed my hair with an American Girl doll brush because, apparently, she is the only one in my house who puts things back where they belong.
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@DiamondLou69: Hot chick at the bar just said that she's gonna do something stupid tonight... ...I informed her that I only had a 1.75 GPA in high school.
@junejuly12: Americans who pronounce Z like Ted are given Canadian citizenship, free Timbits for life, and one pet baby moose.
@CruisinSoozan: I shaved my legs. Well except for those three knee hairs I always miss. Looking good Larry, Daryl and Daryl.
@Coolisiana: *a jerk tries to punch me but I catch it perfectly in my mouth and swallow him whole like a snake*