@DurtMcHurtt: This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
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@Book_Krazy: *In the elevator* Guy: Good morning ladies. You two going down? Me: No. We're just friends Guy: ....
@RxitWounds: [Auto-shop class] "Cody, for the last time, it's still a carburetor even when it's in a van" *raises hand* "Or a truck" *lowers hand*
@weismanjake: I wonder if celebrity couples have a list of 5 average citizens each of them are allowed to sleep with if they ever get the chance
@yendys1: Michael Cera, too timid to send his food back even though he's allergic to almonds, eats a meal and politely goes into anaphylactic shock.