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@DurtMcHurtt: This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
@crow_death: I'm going to put my limbs into each corner of a fitted sheet and attempt to become a sugar glider.
@juliussharpe: People over 70 have a much different idea of what constitutes a story.
@DBMaxP: Who said losing weight was difficult?
"Hello Blood Center? How much longer before I can donate another pint?"
@mattZillaaaa: I just want to be rich enough to stop giving people toilet paper for Christmas
@cowyfwame: I just don't understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.