@Harbinger_one: This mouthbreathing, fat creepy dude at work baked a cake and wrote, "Eat cake if you want to be my girlfriend" on it. I'm so torn right now
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@Tommytoughstuff: *Puts air guitar back in air case* "Listen if you wanted a "real guitarist" maybe you should put that in the ad!"
@DannyZuker: My son's soccer coach just said, "You can't spell "triumph" without 'try,'" and the look my son and I shared will bond us forever.
@rickolantern: Me: I found this in the fridge with your name on it. Are you gonna eat it? CW: That's my stapler Me: You didn't answer my question
@moooooog35: You know the person in exercise videos that's doing the easy version of everything? I'm the guy behind that person eating chips.