@justinshanes: This new thesaurus isn't just terrible, it's also terrible.
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@TheMichaelRock: No thanks, World Cup. If I wanted to watch dudes run around for 3 hours and leave with a tie, I'd just go to Sears.
@AimeeHelene1: At my funeral, I want them to play "Thriller" and have someone that looks like me climb out of a casket, dancing. (wins at death)
@daemonic3: Mr. Trump, who's your Secretary of State? TRUMP: To deal with China, one that speaks Mandarin [remembers to appeal to women] or Womandarin
@trojansauce: [watching lion king] TIMON: hakuna matata ME: *whispering to date* that means no worries TIMON: it means no worries ME: see?