@mattZillaaaa: This old lady in the grocery store was just giving me the weirdest looks and the worst piggy back ride of my life
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@murrman5: [senses date is losing interest in me] "my uncle was the guy who did the rap in Red Red Wine"
@BillFienberg: If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it's considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it's called "cheating."
@fanofhell: *holds "bunny ears" over someone's head for five hours as they have their portrait painted*