@dmc1138: This one time, I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
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@Sickayduh: The mall crowd parts as I shuffle through after waking up naked on the food court floor. "Too pudgy to be a terminator" says one woman.
@matt___nelson: [Maroon 4 meeting] Adam Levine: "Our band name sucks" Drummer that no one knows the name of: "let's think bigger" Adam: "I've got it"
@JermHimselfish: I dream of living in a world where men are judged not by the color of their skin, but by the contents of their iPod.
@7_Cents: *eats an entire box of cereal in one sitting* Wtf there's no prize in this? "Sir, we don't sell cereal. This is Petsmart."