@emsykay: This oxygen mask is bullshit. I don't look like oxygen at all.
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@AndyAsAdjective: [my 1st day at press conference sign language translator job I lied on my résumé to get] ME: *does Madonna's Vogue choreography for 45 min*
@UghNotAgain: Forced to use Axe Shampoo & Conditioner this morning and now my hair is high fiving people and calling them Braaaah.
@PaperWash: McConaughey: I'll have a venti with cream please Starbucks barista: ok, how do you spell your last name? McConaughey: I don't know
@TheQuietPsycho: When I was 20, I interviewed to harvest llama wool and showed up with a vegetable peeler. I was maybe drunk I can't even make this up