@ChipKellysBalls: WebMD is a Choose Your Own Adventure book where every single story ends in malignant cancer
@briancthayer: *licks excess icing off mixer & spoon*
Wife: Aww, thanks hun!
Me: For what?
W: Doing my dishes!
M: Oh, I didn--
W: ...
M: You're welcome.
@Y_U_Hayden: Just clicked on an ad that said "Free Albums Here" But It linked to a download of a Nickelback album. Would have rather just gotten a virus.
@hunz74: Owls are like scary Mr. Potato Heads that fly.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: What’s that?
Me: A vegetable you won’t like. If you don’t tell Mom, I’ll take it from you.
*eats her bacon*
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