@beingtheo: This Petraeus scandal is getting real confusing. I hope I didn't sleep with him.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Shock_Monster: HR: Does anyone know what FMLA stands for? Me: Fire My Lazy Ass? HR: ... Me: I was gonna guess Lesbian Ass but thought that's inappropriate.
@mattchew81: A nicer way to tell someone their breath stinks is to say "I'm bored, let's go brush your teeth!"
@girlontapas: That awkward moment when he asks you if you're mad and you assure him that you're very happy and he says... "No, I meant, you seem crazy."
@5oulhealer: When I was little I asked God for a bike. He didn't deliver so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness instead.